Dear sweet little 8 pound 6 ounce Baby Jesus...

This is the story that is going to make me stay so far away from any cycling related forums on the internets, because now for the following, oh, I don't know, 7 months or so, all we are going to hear from the Lance Fan Boys that have been absent for a few years now is how the old great one is coming out of retirement to ride the Tour. Again... Yawn... Wake me when le Tour de France is over this year, and let me know who won, and if it is Armstrong, gouge my eyeballs out so that I won't have to see him riding down the Champs once again reveling in his ego maniacal self.

Sure, I was OK with him coming back, especially since he was going to leave le Tour alone, and ride the Giro, and maybe a few other races. Maybe what he should have done (yeah, I know, Monday morning quarterbacking over here) is to ride a full Spring schedule, as in, Flanders, GW, Paris Roubaix, Fleche Wallone, Amstel (so maybe he could win it, at least once), and the list could go on from there. And then go and ride the Giro d'Italia, and maybe even win the damn thing. That could top off his career nicely, and stop making people like me, say that he was and always will be, a one trick pony (and yes, before anyone says it, I know he won Fleche before, and the World Championships, and some Tour DuPonts, and other craptastic races), but the man has never won a monument, and he has done all that there is to do, as relates to the Tour de France. OK, he could win 8, but at this point in time, with nobody near his record of 7 in a row, what's the point? It's all about ego stroking at this point in time, and if I didn't believe it before, now I definitely believe that he's the biggest psycho ego maniac out there in the world of cycling, hell, in the world of sport in general, nah, I take those both back, maybe in the whole wide W-O-R-L-D. 

But do you know what I really hate about this guy coming back the most? The questions that I'll get when I arrive at work, oh, the week after le Tour starts. Because, most of the drones that I work with, if they know anything at all about the sport, they know one word. Lance. I usually brush them off with answers not revolving around Lance Armstrong, mostly, I say that I respect what he's done in cycling, but I'm more of a one day race type of fan anyway, and don't pay much attention to what Armstrong is doing in France in July (OK, that's a lie, I still follow the damn race regardless of who is racing in it, and have been since my introduction to the sport during the Lemond reign, where I quickly found the one day races were more exciting). Usually, if I give them an answer like that, they leave me alone, but most of the time, they don't. They keep asking me, and asking me, and asking me. It's sort of like being Cameronin Ferris Bueller's Day Off, where Ferris keeps calling him, and he finally answers, because if he doesn't, "He'll keep calling, and calling, and calling..." That's how I feel. Luckily, and mercifully, the race is ONLY 3 weeks long, and since the 4th of July week usually falls in there somewhere, it's more like 2 weeks, and I can gut out anything for 2 weeks. OK, maybe not anything, but you assholes know what I mean.

Look, Lance, my cycling career is over, for the most part, actually, it never really started, but let me give you some sage advice. Let the younger guys battle it out for le Tour. You've been there, done that, and come back with the jersey more than a few times. Go where you haven't been before, as in Italy. Battle with Simoni and Basso in the high, and steep, mountains there. Hardly any good time trialists show up for the Giro, you'll beat them down, and then you can have a nice pink jersey to match the yellow ones you've got hanging around. I know that this puts a crimp on your yellow Livestrong style and all, but couldn't you add a pink edition as well? Don't be a douche for crying out loud. Help Contador whip everyone else's ass while in France, and make him your heir apparent, since that whole Tom Danielson thing didn't work out so well (psst, turns out that kid, oops, I mean middle aged man, is more fragile than fine china, and a psycho to boot). Thing is champ, you've got nothing to prove really. If you want to race, fine, I don't doubt you can do it, but I just wish you wouldn't, mostly because of the chumps that you bring out of the woodwork. 

Does this mean that Robin Williams is going to be as well? God, I hope not. I can't handle anymore one ball jokes.

David Millar bike toss for distance...

I've got to give this guy credit. I didn't think a scrawny armed bike racer could toss his bike so well for distance, AND rotation. It is probably the best "I hate my bike" toss that I've ever seen from a pro bike racer. But then again, Riis toss was good, but this one tops it if you ask me.

Millar, he is so whiney. This time might even be worse than the time he walked across the finish line of the Angrilu during la Vuelta, threw his bike down (no toss that time, he must have been working on his arm strength since then), and quit the Vuelta, because that stage was too hard. Hey, Millar, guess what? It's pro bike racing. It's supposed to be hard you dolt.

Check out the video, it's pretty good. Millar is on the left hand side of the road in the white kit with the Union Jack on his jersey.

The Giro d'Italia has ended. Does anyone care?

I know, I know. The little bit of information that I've picked up about the Giro this year indicates that it was a good race, with some good racing, and some hard stages. There were some quality wins, by some quality riders, and let's face facts here. I think Danilo Diluca is a worthy winner of this race. But the question that I really have is this; does anyone much care right now? I might be in the minority of this path of thinking, but I couldn't care less about this race. And that's just sad to me, because in years past, I have been a HUGE fan of this race. Out of the grand tours that are contested every year, the one that takes place in Italy is my most favorite grand tour. The Tour de France is great for the mere size of it, and the Vuelta is good because you can see the passion of the Spanish riders for that race. But they Giro, it is the best. The best courses, the most passionate riders, and most of the time, it ends up being a good race.

This year though, I have no passion for it. Normally, I would be reading updates all during the stages while I'm at work. Getting the blow by blow. I would be checking out the results on a daily basis, arguing with other people on internet forums about who was doing what, what teams are looking strong, which ones are looking weak, and commenting on the various riders and tactics. This year, I've got nothing. I blame my lack of passion, and or interest in this race, and in racing in general due to the most recent doping revelations. It's been like a kick to the head, and has made me not want to follow pro bike racing that much, or at all. Sure I keep myself sort of updated, but I'm sick of it right now. More sick of the doping, and the people and riders wrapped up in it, than the racing itself. It feels like to me that everything is tainted. I have a hard time believing race results, and I have an even harder time believing riders who say, "I only doped for this one race..." or others who have said, "I only doped for a week back in 1996..." or some other nonsense such as that. Come on guys. We're not stupid over here. You're saying that you doped, but that you only did it "once" or maybe "twice". Yeah, come on. Do you see turnip truck around here anywhere? I mean, we all know that doping exists, and that it is probably rampant. It's just that we haven't had this amount of revelation in the sport. Guys coming out, who never got popped for doing anything, saying that they did it.

I know right now, I'm feeling beat down. But I'll get over it. Here's the thing. I'm not a big sports fan for the most part. I watch a game here and there, or go to a game here and there, but cycling for me, is different. It's different because I actually am a big fan of the sport and before I just wanted to believe that the riders weren't doping, and in my mind, I went with the whole, "Well, if they don't test positive, they're good to go." I can't use this assumption any longer really. I'm going to have to go the opposite way. I'm just going to assume from now on that every rider who does win, is most likely doping. Sure, there are going to be exceptions, but I think by far, and by large, the guy first across the line, probably shooting something into his veins to make him go faster. What else are we to think really? I do love the sport, but my patience is starting to wear thin.