The Tour de France thus far is just like Festivus...

Yes, it is true. The Tour de France this year has been just like Festivus. How you might ask? Well, I'm glad that you had just that question.

First a short history lesson. Festivus didn't originate with Seinfeld as most of us came to know this noble holiday. Oh no. It was a Reader's Digest creation. Yes, the little magazine on the back of the shitter did actually have something of worth in it after all. Festivus was invented in 1966 by Reader's Digest writer Dan O'Keefe. We all mostly learned about it through Dan's son, Daniel, when he was a writer for Seinfeld back in 1997. It is technically supposed to be celebrated on December the 23rd, but for the purposes of this write up, we'll celebrate it now, during le Tour de France.

First, we have the airing of grievances. I guess we could say that this was Jorg Jackshe right before the Tour kick off a couple of weeks ago basically airing his dirty laundry about his doping adventures in the European peloton. And of course, he indicated a bunch of other people, mostly team managers and doctors and such, but of course no names of riders were brought up. Man, I would have loved to have seen his sell his cycling com padres down the river for a few thousand Euro, but oh no, the Omerta remains. Jorg did sufficiently air his grievances though, so we did complete step one of Festivus. I guess we could add in all those other guys who have been feeling guilty this year. Riis, Zabel, and a whole host of others (Basso and so on and so forth). These guys, professional airers of grievances for sure. They knocked it out of the park with this one, especially Jorg.

Next up, Feats of Strength. This we saw on yesterday's stage that's for sure (15-Jul-07). We saw the Chicken, one Rasmussen run roughshod over the entire peloton yesterday. He killed it. Even more impressive though to me in the feats of strength division, Christophe Moreau. Yes, he was railing it, and dragging a bunch of other people with him along the way. He looked strong like French bull (is there such a thing), and in there we have some honorable mentions as well. Mayo for outkicking the rest at the end, and basically that end group who were all kicking each other's teeth in the whole day. God, this is so much better than the Lance days of Disco / Postal controlling the race, ramping it up, and letting Lance climb away on the final slopes of whatever Col they were riding that day. I mean, hey, good strategy for winning races and all, but B-O-R-I-N-G! Yesterday, that was some good bike racing, and some feats of strength. We could have qualified Floyd's ride last year as a feat of strength, but alas, he got busted for dropping a testosterone patch on his nuts, so no Festivus last year during the Tour.

Then, there is the Festivus miracle or miracles. Well, this remains to be seen thus far, but we have some contenders. One, Moreau's incredible ride yesterday. That could be seen as a miracle for sure. Rasmussen taking the yellow jersey. Miracle. Linus Gerdman taking yellow the day before. Miracle. Dave Zabriskie not flipping out the getting taken away to the funny farm. Miracle (seriously, that kid is crazier than a shit house rat, must be that fresh Utah air or something). There are some contenders for miracles in there, and after further review, yeah, we've met the criteria. 

The Festivus pole? Well, seeing as how yesterday was an epic stage, there had to be epic crashes, which there were a plenty. Poor Stuey O'Grady, taken away in a horrible scene, but there had to be a pole involved somewhere along the line there. Heal up Stuey, we need you riding again soon, and watch out for those poles. 

Festivus Dinner? Hello? Feed zones, every single damn day. So much feasting and food, it is hard to deny the facts staring you in the face. It is all around you out there on the roads of France here in July. Festivus for the rest of us.