Ah, baby...

So far so good on this portion of the trip back home to North Carolina from the snowbound world of Maine. Actually since I got back on the 24th, it has done nothing but rain, and be gloomy and gray. The first time I saw the sun since I got home last week was today when I was flying into New York from Portland, and we got above the cloud cover enough so that I could see the actual sunrise this morning. Finally, some sun. Of course the reports from home have been that the weather has been stupendous and nice, and well, you really are missing some good weather this year. Same as last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. Seems as though every single time I head home for Christmas, the weather in North Carolina takes a turn for the nice. While, at home, it is either blistering cold, rainy, gray, snowy, or just downright nasty. Ah well, it is what it is, as they like to say in North Carolina. Luckily, on the way back South, I haven’t run into any major issues yet as I cruise along. Plane left Portland on time, sitting here in New York with a couple of hours to kill, cranking out this entry, no problems, aside from the 2 very annoying people who sat next to me on the flight down from Portland.

I think that I am doomed to attract such people. Normally, you get on a plane, and if people are going to talk to one another, they are going to use what we like to call our inside voices. This is something that we learned as very small children, most of us, once we hit kindergarten. These 2 sitting next to me, must have missed that particular day of school methinks. I think everyone on the plane could hear these 2 commiserating about what a rat hole Maine was, how they were so glad to be getting out of there, how the weather was crap (this part was true at least during this trip), how they weren’t going to come back anytime soon, how cramped the seats were, how they were so close to missing the plane, and on, and on, and on, and on. I really wanted to slap them both down. It was a couple. A pair. A woman and a man, who were probably in their mid 20’s. They were obviously engaged, or betrothed, or something of that nature. They were together. I knew this because the woman kept calling the man baby. Repeatedly. In a very loud voice. Mostly in my ear. It was, “Oh baby, we almost missed the plane baby.” Or, “Baby tell me that you love me baby. Baby, give me a kiss baby. Baby don’t fall asleep on me baby. Baby, will you proclaim your love for me baby. Baby, oh baby, oh baby, I know we almost missed the plane baby. Baby, I can’t believe how bright it is in this plane baby. Baby, look out the window baby and see how pretty it is baby. Baby look at the clouds baby.” Anyway, you get the picture I think. The worst part, the absolute worst part was that a friend that they were traveling with was sitting back in row 12 or somewhere near the shitter on this particular aircraft. This woman, felt the need to communicate with her friend by turning around in her seat, kneeling on the seat itself, and shouting to her friend in the back. I am not shitting you. Yelling, across the plane. Throwing “F” bombs every few words as well. I mean come on. That’s just not language that you would normally use in the presence of a plane full of people. I was honestly waiting for the flight attendant to give me the nod to knock her out, or hold her down while she applied a nice thick layer of duct tape over her mouth, but unluckily, that time never came. There was a point near the start of the flight though where “baby” as we’ll refer to man in this couple said something about quieting down because people were getting sick of hearing her ramble onward. She then went on to say, and I’m paraphrasing here, “I don’t think anybody on this plane cares if I’m loud or not do they?” I raised my hand like I knew the answer to the $64,000 question, at which point they looked at me, laughed, and continued to be loud and annoying. If there ever was a case for in flight sedation of a passenger, or in this case passengers, by the flight crew, I’d be all for it in this case. Hell, I’d hold them down to help the process take control. I mean, damn, I’m not the quietest person in the world, but these 2 take the cake for annoying plane passengers, at least in the time that I’ve been traveling, and that’s saying a lot, because I’ve seen some annoying people on flights. Just not for this length of time. Gratefully, “baby” fell asleep, and without someone else to play off of, super annoying girl just stared blankly out the window for the rest of the flight. Now, the SO will probably tell me something like she was just anxious or something like that, but damn, she really needed a ball gag or something. It was killing a man. Absolutely killing me. If I were my brother, I probably would have said something. Me being patient and all, I said nothing, well, except for the hand raising thing. They just walked past me as I was writing this, and they were connected at the hip of course. She was saying something about, “baby” as they walked by. Damn… That girl should have a one way ticket to kicked to the curbdom.

Going through the airport these days is a study in how to quickly get rid of any metal that you might have on you before you go through the metal detector. If you go through it, and that thing beeps you, you’re in for a wand search by some surly disgruntled TSA worker who has been on the job for probably 14 hours straight, and whose breath is starting to smell a little like a dead rodent. I’ve got the drill down though for the most part. Remove shoes, remove belt, remove watch, remove jacket, remove laptop from case, place money clip into carry on bag, keep driver’s license in pocket, keep boarding pass or passes in pocket, and then walk through the metal detector. If everything goes as planned, there is no loud beep that comes from the little gate that you walk through. If things go badly, well, there is the hand and wand search that I mentioned before. And if it really goes badly, they go through all of your stuff before letting you continue onward. Last time I went through Portland, they took everything out of my carry on bag, and I do mean everything. Every last little scrap of paper. This time, they only took out my laptop and dusted it for explosives. Yeah, the rubbed it down with that swatch of paper, and ran it through their analyzer. I think that maybe a lot of people haven’t seen an Apple laptop, so they were strangely confused. Wait. Isn’t this thing supposed to be black and ugly? What’s with this white color this guy has going on here? I’m scared. Quick, swab it for C4 plastic explosives. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Luckily I wasn’t stashing anything inside of my laptop case, so I was cleared on through. Only after the laptop was roughly handled, and the cover slammed shut. Have these people no couth? I was thinking damn Genghis. Easy on the goods you know what I mean? I got some nice shit here, and I’m trying to keep it nice. Good thing I didn’t pack it into my checked luggage. That probably would have been a mistake. I hope my Christmas booze makes it through the flights OK. I’ve got one expensive bottle of vodka in those bags, and I aim to drink it on down tomorrow night for New Year’s Eve and all. Maybe a martini or 2, and then watch Dick Clark ring in the New Year from New York (which is where I happen to be sitting right now). I wonder if I’ll spot him in the airport as I’m sitting here waiting for my flight? Yeah, I’m sure Dick Clark flies commercial, and US Airways Express at that. Please. That dude has his own plane I’m sure, or someone is going to fly him in here for these festivities, or does he live here? I don’t know. I do know that he’s been rocking the New Year’s Eve for a long ass time now. Isn’t it time for that guy to retire yet? I’m sure that he’ll probably die during a New Year’s Eve show some year. Or just keel over right there live on TV. I’m not saying that this is what I want to happen to the man, but the possibilities of that happening are probably pretty good. Like I said, he’s been at it for a long time. His gig these days is sort of being like Santa Claus. He’s only really working one day a year, and when he is working, he’s in the middle of a big party, and has the best vantage point of all things happening. That seems like a pretty good deal to me. Where can I get a job like that? I’m thinking maybe I should make my profession writing. But not just writing mind you. I’d have to try and write the most messed up stuff and opinions so that it is controversial, and more people read it. Not that I would mean any of it, but kind of like pundit stuff. I mean hell. Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter can write and spout off made up things, and they get paid good money to be whackos. Why can’t I? That might be a new niche field that they can create a whole college curriculum around. Whacked Out Writing 101. Hmm… I’m sure there is a liberal arts college out there somewhere I could sell that to. Well, maybe not, but talk about creating your own business.

I think this upcoming year, I’m going to have to take a real vacation. It might actually be the first one that I’ve ever really taken. Sure I’ve gone places, but it’s always been under the guise of something else. I’ve never just gone somewhere for vacation, there has always been another underlying issue or reason behind the trips that I’ve taken for vacation. The SO and I will put our heads together, and come up with something I’m sure. There has been talk of Vegas this year sometime. Maybe take in a Barry Manilow (not my choice) show, or something with some serious cheese factor to it. I mean, not that Barry wouldn’t have a certain cheese factor to it, because I’m sure that he would, but something more Vegas traditional. Like some sort of burlesque show, or a cabaret show, something weird like that with lots of showgirls with huge hats. Siegfried and Roy would have been a good choice for cheese, had Roy not almost gotten eaten by one of his tigers a couple of years ago. Now, they don’t even do shows, and that’s just wrong in my book. There could always be some Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, Elvis impersonators, and any other thing in town. And of course, gambling. We could roll the dice a little bit. Not too much, but you’re in Vegas, you’ve got to do some gambling. It just wouldn’t be right. It would be like going to Sweden and not eating the meatballs. Going to Japan and not eating sushi. Going to Walt Disney World and not riding Space Mountain. These are just things that you do in these places, and that goes for Vegas as well. You’re there, might as well throw away some of your hard earned cash. That’s what the town was built on after all wasn’t it? Other people’s money. Oh, and the mafia of course. Can’t forget about that bunch. I’d also, as much as this sounds so unlike me, would like to take a trip to somewhere warm and sunny and with a beach. Like Jamaica, or some other all inclusive resort kind of place. The Bahamas. I think that would be interesting and fun. In talking with The Chad about his trip last year to Jamaica to an all inclusive place, he said it was awesome. Good food. Good booze, and good fun. All you have to worry about is getting there. Once there, you’re good to go. What else could you possibly want aside from all you can drink booze? Sounds like a good vacation to me. Maybe a drunken vacation, but good nonetheless. Then there could be the adventure vacation route of things. This is something that I’m not so sure the SO would be down with. Like camping and rafting in the grand canyon, or trekking around the mountains in some weird far flung foreign country. She can correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe that her idea of a vacation is one where they bring you fruity drinks on the beach with little tiny umbrellas in them. I’m starting to come around to something like that. It could be a possibility, whereas a year ago or so, I would have abandoned that idea altogether. No, I take it back. I wouldn’t have thought of it in the first place.

Almost time to pack up and hit the road, or the sky in this case, once again. I can’t wait to get home. It’s always nice heading North to see the family and the parents especially around the holidays, but it’s always nice to get back to my home as well. I get to see the SO, ride the bike, go out to dinner with some friends, drink expensive vodka, and basically kick back and relax for another couple of days before I have to go back to the accursed workplace on Monday. The sad thing is, is that I know as soon as I get back on Monday, the shit is going to hit the fan, again. The customer (Ford again) is coming back into the plant the first week we’re back, and they’re expecting a lot this time around. Well, not that they weren’t expecting a lot before, but this time, they expect every little thing to be done and complete, and ready to roll. We might be in deep shit, but we’ll see. Hopefully not. If we are, well, we are. Not much I can do about it now, except maybe kick back and watch the fireworks, and then get yelled at later of course. I didn’t do the job searching that I thought I might be able to accomplish over Christmas, but as the SO keeps telling me. I’ve got to get out of that place, and she’s right. I’ll be working on that during the dark hours after riding the bike at night. Maybe, sometime in the new year, I’ll find a new position, and leave the great world of constant velocity joints behind. I can only hope.