White pickup trucks...

I seem to have this issue with guys driving white pickup trucks around town here. For some reason, these guys are the ones that want to kill cyclists. Last year, a guy in a white pickup truck ran myself and Curtis off of the road whilst we were single file, on the white line riding back into town. He gave a blast from the horn, and then flipped us off as he drove on past, me not wanting to break my rule of not flipping someone off, unless they do it to me first, I let go the bars, and gave him the double eagle bird. He of course slammed on brakes (nearly causing the car behind him to rear end his ass, that would have been perfect), and then he stepped on out of the truck and told me he was going to kick my ass for flipping him off. Hey, I'm not a fighter ala Jason Beck, but if someone says they're going to kick my ass, well, they better come with the goods. As soon as I set my bike down in the road, and started walking towards him, he changed his mind about kicking my ass for some reason. Maybe because most presumably he thought, this is just a kid out here, I'm gonna scare him with an ass kicking, little did he know that full grown men actually ride bikes as well. We went back and forth for a few minutes, and he drove off with the parting words of, "Well, next time you flip me off I'm gonna run you over and you're goin' to hell." Huh? What? I'm going to hell? Hold on a minute, ah, well, never mind.

Today, near the same stretch of road where last year's almost altercation took place, another guy, white pickup truck, is riding on my ass. Once again, I'm riding ON, not near, ON the white line on the side of the road, he's blasting away with the horn, making all sorts of hand gestures, and looking rather displeased about having to wait 20-30 seconds to get past me. He comes around, full on the gas, looking out the passenger side window at me, making all sorts of hand gestures again, and I just give him the shoulder shrug like, where the hell do you want me to go asshole? He speeds by, and flips me off as he's driving away. Once again, my main rule, I never give a motorist the bird unless they do it to me first when I'm riding my bike. He flipped it, I flipped him the double back, same results as last year. Screeching halt, someone almost slams into his bumper, he gets out of the truck, and tells me to stop, I do. We have words in the road. Of course this guy's first stammering words were, "You need to get the fuck outta the road, you don't belong here." Where does one ride a road bike, if not on the road? This seemed to puzzle him, meanwhile, he's getting in my face, so I ask him what's he going to do? Kick my ass? If so, let's get on with it, I have an appointment to make it to at 4:30. He does not engage, gets back into the truck, mumbling something, and drives off, and then stops, less than 500 meters up the road to get gas. He comes walking back out towards the road where I'm riding, and we have more words there. All the time I'm circling him on my bike in the parking lot of the gas station. I try to explain to him the North Carolina laws about bicycles in the road, he doesn't believe me of course. Me being one who has been berated many times over the year by motorists who THINK they know what the laws are, I have looked all of these up, and committed them to memory. In North Carolina, you are to ride as close to the right hand side of the road that is safe for the cyclist. And, we are also allowed to have an entire lane, if we feel that riding near the right hand side of the road is not safe enough for us to ride on. He shudders with disbelief. I ask him if he'd like me to call the Sheriff to come out and explain the laws to him for his own edification, to which he responds, "I ain't got 'da time for 'dat." This asshole had more than enough time to stop once out on the road, get into a shouting match with someone, climb back into his truck, get to the gas station 500 meters away from where he stopped, fuel up his gas guzzling Ford piece of shit, but when I want to call the police, he's not having it. Just what I thought. He now knows that he's wrong, and if we involve the authorities, he's going to be really wrong. I circle around the back of his truck, and snap a picture of his license plate so I can make a report to the local police that this guy was out threatening people with his vehicle. This is what I tell him I'm going to do, but instead, I'm just trying to make him nervous, which it does, and speeds off down the road again. I guess having a possible altercation with someone once per year is something that I can handle, I'd rather it be 0, but hey, road rage is pervasive in our society today. I'm sure that this guy had to get somewhere important, like back to his trailer so he could beat his dog, and dribble gravy on his tank top while he's chowing down on his Hungry Man TV dinner.

Then coming back into town, a tractor trailer forced me into the grass as I was just finishing "talking" to Mr. White Pickup Truck. Riding near Weaver Street as I'm back in town, I'm forced to slam on brakes, skid the rear wheel, and throw a water bottle at this girl as she cuts into a side street, and almost takes me out. She is of course of college age, and talking on her cell phone and smoking a cigarette all at the same time. I mutter, OK, yell something about her being a bitch, but she just drives off down the road trying to hide her face. I pick up my discharged water bottle from where it bounced off the side of her car, and ride the remaining mile back home in anticipation of what might happen to me next. I didn't have to wait long. Riding up the small hill near Franklin Street Cycles, a SUV comes buzzing past me, slams on the brakes, and cuts into the parking lot immediately on my right hand side. I grab a handful of brakes once again to avoid t-boning this stupid asshole. Having had enough of possible yelling matches for the day, I just let this one go with a simple head shake, and ride down the hill to the house. I had a bad day today out on the road. And before everything started happening, it was all peaches and cream, but damn, get to within a mile of town, people turn into idiots. Is it a full moon this evening or something like that? People have just done lost their minds today when it comes to important things like paying attention when you're driving your 4000 pound weapon, also known as a car, down the damn road.

OK, so just for review...

Rules of the road:

1.) Never give the finger to someone unless they do it to you first (unless you use it like a greeting to friends like I do)
2.) Never give the finger to someone in a white pickup truck, no matter who does what first.
3.) Never try to talk sense to a redneck, they think they own the road, and get pissed because they're held up for like 10 seconds.
4.) Never count on Curtis to have your back if someone is threatening to kick your ass.
5.) Obey all the other rules of the road, so these motorist run-ins are less frequent.
6.) Throw water bottles at people when they piss you off.
7.) Learn to skid your back wheel to avoid idiots either changing lanes in front of you or turning in front of you.

That is all. Over and out.